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Past

by Nathan Walker

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1.
Am I doing this right? I assign my destiny with romanticized abstractions Is there a better way to live my life than point myself in a direction Lacking an ideal destination
2.
Altruism 04:25
Can’t stop, I can’t help it, I see no other way Like a child, desire the light of day Only to shine on my face Only to shine on my face Short sighted, I can’t help it I can’t see your pain, I have no grace For your heartache I feel nothing at all I feel nothing at all I’ll be obsessed with something other than myself Because the subject of my thoughts is never someone else You may not think that we are capable of this But I don’t care I won’t stop trying until I’m dead Take me higher than where I am I’m not good enough to be considered selfless in any way I know who I was made to be I can see heaven from where I stand But it’s so far away I’ll be obsessed with something other than myself Because the subject of my thoughts is never someone else You may not think that we are capable of this But I don’t care I won’t stop trying until I’m dead
3.
Diagrams 06:10
There are plans that you’ve drawn out with hesitant hands Everything that you wanted and you hope that someone can Be the one that holds you and gives you everything he has Takes the plans that you’ve drawn out Takes the time to understand you There he is to steal your heart again You look at each other’s diagrams And try to explain the best you can All the things that you intend But soon, to your dismay You find that his heart is so far away From what you thought There’s truth in this sentiment and it’s out of our control No one understands you No one one can see your soul No one else can read your plans What you wrote with shaky hands Illegible drawings that only you can comprehend There he is to steal your heart again You look at each other’s diagrams And try to explain the best you can All the things that you intend
4.
Damage 05:58
I keep trying to sing but can only scream I can’t reach what I’m supposed to be There’s dirt in the gears of my soul I long for more control But I don’t know myself at all The only thing I consider a loss Is the damage to you that I’ve caused There’s forms of dying I haven’t known yet, but I’ve felt a few They teach me experience is a treasure and a tool Security is a pretense that covers the truth Adventure is not meaningless and safety is the ruse of death The only thing I consider a loss Is the damage to you that I've caused Please don’t despise me for what I’ve done God knows I hate it enough I’ll forgive you the same when the time comes for you to come undone The only thing I consider a loss Is the damage to you that I've caused
5.
Please be gracious as I stumble through these phrases I tried to give them meaning but you’re still empty handed There’s everything that you need to hear and all the things that I want to say There’s a blurry line where I’ve tried to make them meet But it only ends in dissatisfaction and deceit I’ll communicate to you all my hopes and fears through this inadequate medium Please know that I still want you here But talking gives me a headache There’s plenty of kindness to share here if it could only find its way to your ear You’re better at this than I am and I can’t let this inequality stand so I’ll change my method of transfer over to something greater I’m not sure what it’ll be yet, but anything is better than my words I’ll communicate to you all my hopes and fears through this inadequate medium Please know that I still want you here But talking gives me a headache Repeating the phrase we know so well It becomes redundant, but we can’t stop now There’s nothing else left between you and me Than speaking decidedly Than speaking decidedly I love you
6.
In Due Time 04:17
Sometimes I find Being under the darkened sky Flickering lights grace the horizon and settle my mind They are the subject of my wandering eyes The ground sighs Curtains close on sustained goodbyes When the wind has subsided and the air is still in due time It all will be still in due time In due time In my soul All the questions I ask myself Stand alone and their outlines burn into my eyes And I pray that I find the answers in due time I pray that I find the answers in due time
7.
When I look at the sky the sunshine Is just a massive source of light pollution That keeps us from seeing past its glare When all the people sing of careless things My heart sinks a little farther Because the hope I found, I found it past the darkness I am afraid that no one understands When everyone sleeps I step outside and see the most beautiful night The most beautiful night I am afraid that no one understands
8.
I’ve got no time The light is fading fast I’m spending my whole life On things that never last I know where I want to be as the sun sets tonight It’s too far for me to see past the coastal skyline As the ocean steals the light And brings the everlasting night I’ve got no time The light is fading fast I’m spending my whole life On things that never last My affairs end before they start with a disappointed sigh Substance evades my wanting heart, not sure what else to try As the ocean steals the light And brings the everlasting night Still comes the everlasting night Sprinting into the ocean’s tide sand whipping through the air No distraction of any kind could distance me from there I’ve got no time I’ve got no time I’ve got no time For things that never last
9.
Collapse 07:00
When I feel danger I’m not scared at all Because if I collapse, if I crumble and fall The world still turns, the world still turns The world still turns When we are accustomed to this kind of grief It’s not so strange anymore But there’s willful ignorance in all our belief That it might someday happen to me It will someday happen to me And it shows me how I’m not ready When will I be, when will I be Will I be Will I be When I feel danger I’m not scared at all Because if I collapse, if I crumble and fall The world still turns, the world still turns This river will sweep me away from here Just like it took you God knows where last year There’s not always tragedy in death I walk on stones piled one on another By hands now uninspired by anyone’s breath But we can’t see that when we look at each other We can’t see that when we look at each other I’m not scared at all When I feel danger I’m not scared at all Because if I collapse, if I crumble and fall The world still turns, the world still turns This river will sweep me away from here Just like it took you God knows where last year
10.
Care Free 04:18
Care free I want to live care free Care free I’m not listening anymore I’m not listening Your words are useless things Trouble’s so far away ‘till I give in to you I’m not listening The mirror says back to me Shifting my being when my worry defines me Care free I want to live care free Care free I’m not listening anymore Talking to myself I feel like someone else has taken control Over reacting to all The things that occupy the forefront of my mind Are worthless little things so I’ll stop listening
11.
One Second 04:50
When you break all the clocks And you shut all the doors There’s no more sound to consider Your mind is free to wander You will know that this life is precious And time’s just as well without us Pray that this doesn’t pass you by For the heart beats just one moment at a time There’s no guarantees or second tries The heart beats just one moment at a time The heart beats just one second at a time Dismember all your worries Leave them scattered on the floor Get up now, and hurry When you leave lock the door Life will begin for us Once we know that our time is short Take his Spirit with you Let it guide and direct you Hope that your heart will beat For one moment more
12.
Alive 05:33
Teach me to love you The way you loved me When you suffered and died To make me clean Show me your mercy Give me your strength To be full of your love Every day Surround me in your arms God I need you Fill me with your kindness And change my selfish heart Your love is the only thing that makes me feel alive Speak to my soul, Lord Help me to see I'm blinded by my fear To endless opportunity Surround me in your arms God I need you Fill me with your kindness And change my selfish heart Your love is the only thing that makes me feel alive

credits

released June 4, 2016

Written, mixed and produced by Nathan Walker

Mastered by Patrick Mulrooney

Performed by Nathan Walker, Shane Palko, Patrick Mulrooney, Joyce Mulrooney, Sarah Linde, and Ian Palkovitz

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Nathan Walker Newark, Delaware

Interested in expressing ideas and emotions through the incredibly beautiful medium of music.

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